Enough With the Quid Pro Quo Blogging Etiquette - Free Yourself

 

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First, a quick announcement--I'm blogging/ranting over at Nicole Basaraba's blog today: Oh, You Write THOSE Books – On Writing Romance  I'd love for y'all to stop by and say hi. :)

Alright, onto today's topic, which happens to be a bit of a rant as well, lol. Must be that kind of week for me...

Hang around the blogosphere long enough and you'll see the posts - How to Be a Good Bloggy Friend, Blogging Etiquette 101...hell, I even did one a few years ago. But I have to say, the posts and the concepts behind them are starting to grate on me a bit.

The main "rules" stem from the idea of bloggers supporting each other through reciprocity. You comment on my blog, I comment on yours. I follow you, you follow me. In theory, this is a nice thing to do. We all rally around and support each other.

And in the beginning, when you're first starting a blog, this is really the only way to get it rolling. You have to put yourself out there on other blogs so that people know you exist. No one wants to blog into the ether and have nobody hear it. So the reciprocity thing can be a great way to start making friends.

But where it starts to irritate me is when the other behaviors get labeled "bad" blogger behavior. For instance, you're a bad bloggy friend if you don't go and comment on everyone's posts who left you a comment that day. Or, you're not a "real" follower because you don't leave regular comments on a blog you follow or maybe you follow but don't stop by regularly.

Calling that "bad" behavior, my friends, is bulldookie. That behavior is real life. I would hope most of us have actual lives and obligations outside of the internet. We should not have to suffer a guilt trip because instead of visiting all of our blogroll that day, we turned off the computer and took our kid to the park. We shouldn't have to "catch up" at midnight and hit all those posts we missed out of some sense of obligation.

When did we become so self-centered? If you find yourself thinking, "Wow, I've left three comments on so and so's blog this week and she hasn't even retweeted mine. Well, fine, I'll show her, see if I visit her blog next week" then you're getting sucked into the me-me-me abyss. (We've all been there.) But do you really want a comment or a visit out of obligation? Because someone is "supposed" to stop by because you scratched their back? Are you only stopping by their blog so that you get a comment back?

Reciprocity is a nice thing, it should not be a requirement. When you make it a requirement in your head, it becomes self-serving. You're only commenting other places because you want people to come to your blog. Blogging relationships should not be quid pro quo.

If you want people to follow you, be followable. Write interesting, entertaining posts that people enjoy.

If you want people to comment, write posts that encourage discussion. And do try to participate in the discussion even if you can't answer every comment.

If you want to be a good bloggy friend, be genuine and don't do things with the ulterior motive of getting something in return.

This is why when I joined Triberr, I refused to join tribes that required you retweet every members posts every day. No way. I only retweet things that I find interesting or that I think my followers would like. Even my very favorite bloggers don't have a post relevant to me EVERY time. And I know that not everything I blog about is going to appeal to everyone every day. And that's perfectly okay.

So free yourself from that "obligation".

Comment on posts you find interesting or want to discuss.

Follow blogs that provide consistently good content.

And visit posts that catch your eye.

The making friends part will happen organically as you meet people who share similar interests.

In the end, this will make us all better bloggers because instead of counting on the quid pro quo follows/visits, we'll find out what content really connects with readers and which doesn't.

So what do you think? How do you feel about the quid pro quo thing? Do you ever feel blogger guilt because you haven't kept up with your friend "obligations"? Do you find yourself feeling resentment when someone doesn't return the favor?

Made of Win Monday: Movies That TRULY Make You LOL

We throw around the slang "LOL" a lot these days. If we were using it true to form, half the world would be obnoxiously laughing at any given moment. But, of course, usually when we use it, we're exaggerating. It just means we found something funny, maybe it made us smile. Most of us aren't truly laughing out loud eighty times a day. They may lock us up if that were the case.

So it's always a treat when something really brings forth a good old-fashioned honest laugh. If you laugh so hard, you cry--even better. And one of the best places to get those kinds of real laughs is by going to the movies. Unfortunately, movies can be hit or miss, so finding one that really brings on the funny is always made of win.

This weekend hubs and I saw This Means War and, though I had to suspend disbelief dramatically for some parts, I really ended up enjoying the movie. AND I LOLed more than once. I actually had to use a napkin to blot my eyes because I started to tear up. And it reminded me how long it had been since I'd really laughed in a movie.

So when you find those movies, appreciate them. They're sometimes hard to come by.  Here are some other movies I can remember that made me laugh hard in the theatre.
 

Nine Months - The first time I saw this, the trip to the hospital and the birth scene sent me into one of those laughing fits where I started to gasp for breath.

 

40 Year Old Virgin - I still want to yell out "Kelly Clarkson!" at random times because of this movie.

 

Wayne's World - A classic. I mean, if you didn't laugh the first time you saw the Bohemian Rhapsody scene, you might be dead inside. : )

 

Bridesmaids - The scene in the bridal shop...come on. That's just pure comic genius there.


The Hangover - Too many scenes to pick just one.

Sixteen Candles - Admittedly, I didn't see this one in the theatre, but it never fails to make me laugh.

So I'm interested to hear, what movies have made you really, truly laugh? Which old ones do you go to when you need a pick-me-up?

Fill Me In Friday - Best Writing Links of the Week

Did I miss the train?

Photo by Son of Groucho
  

 Hope everyone has had a great week! This one has flown by for me. How is it already Friday? If yours has been a whirlwind too and you need to catch up, here are the best writing links I've come across this week.

 

But first a quick announcement. I've joined forces with a few other author moms to start a new group blog called Peanut Butter on the Keyboard. We'll be blogging about parenthood and balancing the writing life with family life. Hope you'll stop by and say hi for our inaugural post!

 

Alright, now on to the links...

 

On Writing/Publishing:
On Social Media:

 

Just For Gits and Shiggles:
What You May Have Missed Here:




That's all I've got for the week. What were some of your favorite links this week? Feel free to share them in the comments. Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Author Websites: Layering Yours With Sticky Extras

Photo by Raymond Salvatore Harmond (cc)We all know we're supposed to have a rocking website and blog, right? You hear that advice at every turn. And I agree. But one of the problems with most websites is that they lack the stickiness factor. Meaning, a reader might stop by to get some quick info--when's the next book coming out, where is the author doing signings, etc. But it's a quick in and out visit. Like running into Walgreens to get cough medicine at midnight. Nothing compels the person to stick around for awhile to see what else may be there.

And though it's nice that those people are stopping by in the first place, we'd really like for them to hang out for a bit. So what are some things you can do to compel a visitor not to move on so quickly?

The first is the most obvious--an interesting blog. If you've got interesting posts on your site about topics that may interest a reader, that's a great start. But what else might you do?

My favorite sites are the ones where I go in for one thing, then keep seeing interesting little tidbits to click on. Like, ooh, she has a deleted chapter for that book I loved. Or wow, she's got inside info about who that guy was on the cover of that book. Or hey, she's got a soundtrack for this story. An hour goes by and I'm still poking around their site and now I really want to read more of their books.

These little tidbits are like the "easter eggs" authors bury in books. Those eggs are little inside jokes or nuggets for the reader. (See here for an example of the easter eggs Stephen King buried in It.) Authors have been doing this forever, so why not translate that concept to your site? What little eggs can you bury on your website that readers will want to crack open?

Obviously, if you're a bestselling author with forty books under your belt, you have a lot of content to play with. Easter eggs abound. But if you're a newer author or unpublished, you may have to dig a little deeper to come up with those things the entice people to hang around on your site.

You can click on my Extras tab to see the few things I have on here. I'm still working on mine.

 

Quality Extras Provide Things That...

 

1) Give deeper insight into your books

 A few Ideas: 

  • Inspiration photos for your characters, setting, scenes, time period, etc.
  • Character Interviews
  • Soundtracks 
  • Deleted chapters
  • Bonus epilogues, prologues, or short stories
  • Tell where you got your story idea from
  • Genealogy charts for your characters or series
  • Photos of the pets of your characters
  • Fun facts about the writing of the book
  • Quizzes or contests
  • Recipes
  • Book lists with books listed in order and by series
  • Book trailers

 

2) Give deeper insight into you, the author

This is not about navel-gazing and me, me, me all the time, but share yourself with your readers in an interesting and engaging way. A few ideas:

  • A non-boring FAQ
  • The story of how you got published
  • A blog where you show your voice and personality
  • Picture of your pets (would advise you not to put your kids pics up)
  • A widget that shows what you're reading or what you've read
  • Your recommendations for authors you enjoy or a list of your favorite books
  • Interview your spouse for a post (I've done that a few times on here.)
  • Vlog so we can actually see and hear you
  • Info for aspiring writers
  • Photos (not avatars) of yourself - at minimum a nice author photo, but also could be you with readers at signings, or doing something fun, that kind of thing.
  • Share your hobby - What else do you enjoy besides writing? Into scrapbooking or sailing or cooking? Talk about it. For instance, I have a concert obsession so I blogged about that Monday, but also made a Pinterest board listing all the concerts I've been to. 
  • Have any big goals or challenges? - Maybe you're trying to run a marathon by June or maybe you want to read 100 books this year or you want to learn how to bake bread. Talk about it and get readers involved. They might be trying to do the same kinds of things.

 

3) Encourage the reader to not just stick around but come back again.

You have to keep content fresh. If someone stops by and has their way with your website and clicks on everything, what is going to compel them to come back? Some ideas:

  • A fresh, interesting blog that is updated on a regular schedule (minimum once a week if you want some traction).
  • Contests that encourage interaction.
  • A newsletter that readers can sign up for. Helps if you offer an incentive for signing up--a free chapter or something.
  • An easy way to follow your blog or follow you on facebook, twitter, etc.
  • Reader forums where fans can interact with each other. (This only applies once you're a "big deal", but it seems these are pretty popular with the well-established authors.) 

I'm sure there are hundreds of ideas out there, so I'm interested to hear some that you've thought of or you've seen on other sites.

I polled Twitter and these are some of the sites people recommended for their stickiness factor:

Eloisa James - She's taken it to another level. She has a whole website just for readers that you can only access if you register. She even has "easter egg" hunts for her book. Dig through her site (the one you don't have to register for) and you'll find extra chapters, family trees, and Design-a-Duchess paper dolls.) Cool stuff.

Sherrilyn Kenyon - Beyond listing fan sites for readers and having lots of information, she also has a great photo gallery with photos of fans, signings, and things like "Babies named after characters", "Pets named after characters", and Fan Tattoos. How fun is that? 

Elizabeth Hoyt - She has tons of research articles, a few free ebooks, and (love this) photos of the fictional dogs in her books.

Jeaniene Frost - She has a list of supernatural creatures that inhabit her world, free wallpaper, podcasts, deleted scenes, and t-shirts.

Now, yes, those listed as examples are bestselling authors with fancy websites. However, you don't have to have that to implement some of these ideas. Use them as inpsiration and it will spark some ideas of your own.

So which author sites make you stick around? What kind of extras do you love as a reader? What layers do you bury on your site? What do you do to encourage readers to hang out on your website?

Made of Win Monday: The Concert Rush

Photo by Incase (click pic for link)So hubs and I have an addiction. For most couples, a romantic evening would entail a nice quiet dinner and maybe a movie out. Now, I can appreciate that kind of night like anyone else. But my ideal romantic evening is heading out to a crowded, dark place and screaming at strangers with thousands of our newest friends. In other words, a concert. : )

(If you want to see who I've seen live, I've made a Pinterest board. I realized as I was putting it together that I think I may be nearing 100 concerts. No, I don't have a problem, not at all. *cough*) 

I was introduced to concerts at a pretty young age. My parents have always been music lovers and started taking me along when I was about ten. I also dragged them to a few New Kids on the Block concerts before that. : ) But as soon as I started going, I was hooked.

There's something about that rush of shared excitement. How often do you get to be somewhere with thousands of people who are all happy and having fun at the same time? In a world where we exist amongst so much day to day grumpiness, it's a huge rush to be in the middle of all that positive energy, singing your favorite songs with others who love them as much as you do.

That rush is made of pure win, y'all.

So are you a concert person? What's the best concert you've ever been to? The worse? Who is on your bucket list of bands/singers you want to see?