Boys and Girls Are Different: Fantasy and Fictional Crushes

Image by Scented_Mirror (click pic for link)

Girls and boys are different. I know, shocking revelation, right? But seriously, on a regular basis I'm reminded how very different we are. 

Last night on American Idol, Scotty McCreary won the whole thing. I honestly wasn't that invested anymore since my favorites (James Durbin and Pia Toscano) had already been voted off. But hubs declared that he knew it was going to be Scotty a few weeks ago because of the "girl crush" factor--meaning Scotty had cornered the Bieber/preteen vote and no other segment of the population had a chance of overcoming the force that is girls obsessively crushing.

Basically, he believed that even if Lauren Elena was the hottest looking teenage girl ever, teen guys (or any guys) wouldn't get that fervent and vote 200 times online for her. Dudes just don't do that.

This then started the conversation about how girls (and grown women) get all swoony over certain actors, musicians, etc. and that he just doesn't "get" that. Of course, my boyfriend of the week posts (and romance novels) were used as an example.

So here's the basic summary of the conversation:

Dude logic (hubs): Why do girls want to obsess and drool over people like Jared Leto and Alexander Skarsgard when they know a) they will never actually be with that person and b) you have a husband or boyfriend you already love at home?

Chick logic (me): It's fun. And it's a group activity--girls swooning over boys together. And women are largely fantasy based in their sexuality. Guys are too, but whereas guys are more about the visual fantasy (some random naked girl in a p0rn video), girls are more relationship/character/idea based (we want to KNOW about the person, they are sexy not just because of the way they look but because  of the character they play or image they portray, how they act, etc.) I'm sure this has an evolutionary basis of men wanting to spread their jeans, er, genes and girls wanting to lock down a guy to kill bears for them or whatever.

Dude logic: But I don't look like Jared Leto/Ian Somerhalder/etc. So does that mean, you really want someone that looks like them vs. someone who looks like me?

Chick logic: One has nothing to do with the other. And Jared and Ian would be too short for me in real life anyway. :) It's not about that. Oh and those men I swoon over in romance novels--they don't even exist. So it's not about reality. (Plus, my hubby's hot, so really, he has no worries there, lol.)

Dude logic: But if I were swooning over Carrie Underwood or something, that wouldn't bother you?

Chick logic: I've accepted that I will never look like Carrie Underwood. She's not my competition. Like her if you want. (I have a little girl crush on her anyway, so couldn't blame him.)

Dude: Y'all are complicated.

So what this all comes down to for me is that guys need not get their ego bruised when women pick up a fictional crush or read their romance novels. Those men are not competition. It's just fantasy fun. And for any guy who is married to a woman who reads romance novels, he probably learns pretty quickly that this  habit does nothing but benefit him. Here's the deets from a great article (Readers of Romance Have Better Sex Lives) on the topic:

Psychology Today states that women who read romance novels make love with their partners 74% more often than women who don't. Why? Because, according to a scientific study conducted by Harold Leitenberg of the The Journal of Sex Research and Psychological Bulletin, when women fantasize frequently (as they do when they read romance novels), they have sex more often, have more fun in bed, and engage in a wider variety of erotic activities.

Many therapists now go so far as to recommend reading steamy romance stories to boost a woman's sex drive. Their reasoning: "taking part in enjoyable activities such as walking with a partner, listening to music, having a glass of wine, taking a bath, or reading a romance novel can help put women in the mood for sex. These activities can help women shift into their "sex self" from their role as mother, wife, employer, or employee," says Carol Rinkleib Ellison, PhD, a psychologist and author of Women's Sexualities. Christiane Northrup, M.D. of Women's Health Wisdom also says: "Consider reading novels or renting movies that contain sexual content to help you get in the mood."

For those of us that enjoy a steamy romance novel on a regular basis--this is not new news. We've been trying to tell mainstream nay-sayers this all along. We women are turned on by "emotional stimulation" the way men are aroused visually. Though more and more romance authors are leaning toward more erotic romance, women don't always require graphic sex scenes to become aroused. After reading an emotionally intense love scene, a woman feels more open to the "idea" of making love--or "in the mood" for sex.

So there you have it. Reading romance novels is good for all involved (so go pre-order mine now ;) Link in the right hand corner.) And hold on to your hats if anybody every figures out how to really do p0rn videos with a real plot and good acting, tapping into that emotional component for women. The p0rn industry could look very different...because men haven't cornered the market on dirty minds. Women just haven't found many films that can live up to the fantasy reels we can create in our brains or in our books. 

So what do you think of this discussion? How do you view the differences? Does your significant other ever call you out on your fictional crushes or romance reading?

How Do You Choose Your Books?

Image by BrewBooks (click pic for link)

Today I thought we could talk a little about reader loyalty and what makes you buy a book. Like most people, I don't want to spend hard earned money on a book that I don't enjoy. Of course, you can never really guarantee this. It's just like going to the movies--you pick some winners and some duds.

But there are things that we do to raise our chances that we're going to pick something we like. For instance, you find an author you like and continue to buy their new releases because they haven't let you down. 

But how do you decide to buy a book by an author you've never read? Do you pay attention to publishing lines? Like you trust Harlequin Blaze to put out the kind of story you like, so you feel comfortable picking up a book from an unknown author. 

I know I do this. Way before I signed a deal with Berkley Heat, I was a huge Berkley Heat fan girl. I felt confident that if I picked up one of their books, I'd be happy with the story. I also feel secure buying from Harlequin Spice. And I do the same thing with ebooks. Ellora's Cave (digital first erotic pub) has yet to disappoint me, so I gladly will send my dollars their way. And I've discovered some great new authors by putting trust in a publisher.

But I wonder if other readers do this or is this more an author thing (because we pay close attention to who is publishing what).

Also, with the tidal wave of change with the self-publishing digital books thing (especially in my genre), how will that pan out? Will people follow authors who were traditionally pubbed into self-publishing if that author goes there? And how will readers decide to buy a self-pubbed book from an author they've never heard of? Will readers even notice that it's self-pubbed?

I've admittedly been a little afraid of self-pubbed stuff because my few experiences with reading it have been bad, but that was before this big shift. So I'm going to venture out and try a few. But I'll probably base those purchases on reviews by people/websites I trust. We'll see how it goes.

I think the whole change is exciting and I'm interested to see how all of it plays out, but it really does make me curious about how people are going to go about their buying decisions.

So what's your take? How do you choose your books? What makes you take a risk on a new author? Do you pay attention to who published the book? Do you read reviews? I want to know! :)

!!!!!Also, today I am over at Crits for Water where you can enter a drawing to win a query critique from me. All you have to do is donate $5 to a fabulous charity that provides water for people in underdeveloped countries. Go here and make a difference (and maybe win!): /blog/2011/5/19/how-do-you-choose-your-books.html

Rough Sex. No, The OTHER Rough Sex by Author Tiffany Reisz

Today I have a treat for you. The lovely and talented Tiffany Reisz has offered to give us the low down on writing rough sex...well not like you're thinking, but...oh, you'll see.  

Hi Readers!

Thank you, Hot Roni, for letting me infiltrate your shiny new blog to talk about a favorite topic of mine—ROUGH SEX.

No, not that kind of rough sex. There are two kinds of rough sex in the erotica world.

Type #1 is sex that’s rough to have—passionate, straining, intense, powerful…teeth digging into shoulders and thighs, fingers leaving bruises, thrusts that feel they’ll kill you and save you at the same time.

Type #2 is sex that’s rough to write. And that is today’s topic.

In erotica and erotica romance, explicit and frequent sex scenes are a must. And the everyday heterosexual vanilla missionary position stuff just won’t cut it with hardcore readers who want to be shocked, awed, and deliciously violated by your writing. Common types of sex scenes in erotica include Same Sex Scenes, Ménage Scenes, and BDSM Scenes. Unfortunately, these sexy as hell scenes to read are an unholy bitch to write.

Sex scenes are the “action” scenes in erotica and erotic romance. These are our version of car chases. They get the reader’s blood pumping, the heart racing, the juices flowing. But think about what a film director has to do to set up a car chase—block off streets, find stunt drivers, storyboard every shot, and set up cameras to catch all the angles…Sex scenes can be nearly as stressful. A writer stresses over every single moment of the scene, playing Twister with her characters, contorting them into the right position as she attempts to take a beautiful, intense erotic visual image and express it in words alone.

But same sex, ménage, and BDSM scenes pose unique challenges beyond even those of regular sex scenes.

In same sex and ménage scenes, pronouns become a nightmare. For example…

He touched his cock.

Okay, who touched whose cock? Did Steve touch Steve’s cock? Or did Steve touch Adam’s cock?

In a threesome scene writers run into the same problem.

She kissed his lips and moaned while he caressed her breasts.

Did Jane kiss Steve’s lips and moan while Steve caressed her breasts? Or was Jane kissing Steve while Adam caressed her breasts? I’m not sure but I’m a little envious of Jane.

Of course, using names instead of pronouns helps matters. But after a few sentences of Adam rubbed Steve’s cock while Steve panted in Adam’s ear. Adam felt Adam’s heart beating hard against Steve’s chest…you sort of want to kill yourself.

BDSM scenes can be just as tricky to write. Go to www.stockroom.com and browse for a few minutes. Imagine trying to explain to non-kinky readers what each of those toys are for, how they work, how they’re used, how they feel when used, and all without slowing the story or killing the momentum. Some writers aim for hyper-realism and go into great detail about each toy and how it’s used. Other writers keep it vague and let the reader do the work. Want to use a Wartenberg Wheel in a scene? Do you take four sentences to describe it for readers who have never heard of it? Or do you just assume they either know what it is or are smart enough to Google it and find out? The game of mental Twister writers play with characters gets a lot more complicated when you throw ropes, chains, and spreader bars into the mix. Plus us kinksters who have done it know how erotic and exhilarating a beating can be, but readers who have never experienced the pleasures of pain will likely be put off if the writer dwells too much on the S&M in a BDSM scene.

So what’s a writer of rough sex to do?

I don’t have all the answers. But here are a few tips gleaned from writing a shit-ton of sex scenes of nearly every conceivable variety.

• Although it goes against this third person only writer’s grain to even utter these words, consider writing your same sex story in 1^st person. Then instead of dealing with he/he you have he/me/I. (Employ 1^st person with caution. Erotica in 1^st person often reads like a Penthouse Letter. For a fantastic example of 1^st person same-sex erotic romance, read BY THE BOOK by Scarlett Parrish.)
• Stay vague. Seriously, a long drawn out eight-page sex scene can be more exhausting than enjoyable to read. A good sex scene is like a vagina—it’s at its best when hot and tight. Don’t stress over every single hand placement, every single kiss or touch. When you remember the great sex you had last week or last month or twenty years ago, most likely you are remembering the emotions it stirred in you. Focus more on the feelings of the characters and a little less on the *coughs* blow-by-blow. Even if the act you’re writing isn’t something the reader fantasizes about (getting flogged, for example), it can still move the reader if you focus on how much the character enjoys it.
• In a ménage scene, stay entirely in the head of the character doing the least stuff. Let that character be an observer detailing for the reader what’s going on. I’ve only had one threesome and during it I did much more watching than participating, as I was the newbie with an established couple. Use that sort of dynamic to create an in for your reader.
• Also in ménage scenes, don’t make everything happen all at once. Let Jane take turns with Adam and Steve, having sex with them one at a time during the more detailed part of the scene. When all three of them are in it together, let the edges of the scenes go a little fuzzy, focus on what she’s feeling more than what’s actually happening.
• In BDSM, avoid the temptation to clutter your scene with every toy and pain implement in existence. Pick one or two and focus on those.
• Also in BDSM, choose your toys wisely. Don’t just pick a flogger because that’s what you like personally. Think about what’s going on with the characters, where they are in their relationship. For a kink beginner, handcuffs or a blindfold might be as intense as he or she can realistically handle. For kink veterans, show them casually engaging in intense BDSM as well-trained Dominants and submissives would. In THE SIREN, when my female main character Nora (a Dominatrix and an erotica writer) is with a trained submissive, she employs a great deal of pain and dominance. With her mostly vanilla editor she’s attempting to seduce, she holds back and slowly woos him into her world a little at a time.
• In all three types of scenes, let your characters do some of the play-by-play. Dominants I’ve played with often talked to me throughout the scene and explained what they were going to do to me. Don’t feel like your entire sex scene has to be narration. Instead of having Steve think about touching Adam’s cock, let him say, “I love feeling your cock in my hands.” A little dialogue goes a long way when writing a rough sex scene.

If you want to see some of my tricks of the trade in action, click HERE for excerpts from my own rough sex writing.

Thanks, Roni! Thanks, Readers!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m meeting Adam, Steve, and Jane for lunch. Yeah…um, lunch.

Tiffany Reisz lives in Lexington, Kentucky with two roommates, two cats, one dog, and one ex-boyfriend. She graduated with a B.A. in English from Centre College in Danville, Kentucky and is making both her parents and her professors proud by writing erotica under her real name. She has five piercings, one tattoo, and has been arrested twice.

When not under arrest, Tiffany enjoys Latin Dance, Latin Men, and Latin Verbs. She dropped out of a conservative southern seminary in order to pursue her dream of becoming a smut peddler. Johnny Depp’s aunt was her fourth grade teacher.

Her Spice Brief novella SEVEN DAY LOAN was given five fingers out of five by Romantic Times book reviewer Andrew Shaffer, ie Evil Wylie. Her debut full-length novel THE SIREN was released by Harlequin Spice in September 2011. The sequel THE ANGEL comes out in 2012. She has two Spice Briefs, The NEW YORK MERMAID and THE DRAGON, out in 2012 as well.

If she couldn’t write, she would die.

www.tiffanyreisz.com

littleredridingcrop(at)gmail(dot)com

Thanks, Tiffany! And y'all feel free to ask any questions, I have a feeling Tiffany won't be afraid to answer much of anything. :) And if hearing Tiffany talk about all these things has you wanting to read more, you can buy her Harlequin Spice novella SEVEN DAY LOAN. It's less than three bucks people and it's fabulous. Go treat yourself. :)

Have you ever struggled writing a love scene? What do you find most challenging?

What to Read If You've Never Read...Menage Romance

Photo by Gideon

One of the beautiful things about the genre of erotic romance is that there are SO many subgenres of the subgenre. I can't think of any other genre where one author can stretch and cross genre lines so easily. Space opera erotic romance? Contemporary? Suspense? Paranormal? M/M? It's all out there. So one of the features I'm doing here on the blog is providing suggestions for "gateway" books to try if you've never read something in that subgenre. (If you missed the What To Read Post for BDSM, you can find it here.)

This week I'm tackling one of the most popular themes across all divisions of the genre: Menage/Threesome (or more) romance. This is one of my favorite kind of stories to read and write. (2015 Update: I know have two m/m/f menage romances available, MELT INTO YOU and NOTHING BETWEEN US,  and one coming in 2016, LOVING YOU EASY. 

If you're a traditional romance reader, you may balk at the idea of this. How could you have more than one hero? That's breaking all the romance rules--the heroine is not supposed to even THINK about another guy once she meets the hero. But don't run yet.

These stories are not just sexual exploration stories, they ARE romances. So there are emotions and deep ties and a true, passionate relationship between all three characters. And imagine how much conflict can come up in a situation where a relaitionship has to be negotiated between a heroine and two (usually very alpha) males. And sometimes these stories end up in a HEA (happily ever after) for all three. Sometimes just for two of them.

And really, can you really resist the ideas of two gorgeous men lavishing all their attention on one woman they love? (Or for you straight guys reading this--reverse the genders.)

So if you're curious about this kind of story, where should you start? Here are a few recommendations:

Lauren Dane's LAID BARE

Shayla Black's DECADENT 

And if you're old hat at this genre and are open to something even more risque. You can try Four Play . The two novellas in the book focus on--you guessed it--foursomes. 

So do you read menage romance? If not, are you tempted? Why or why not? What's your favorite menage story? And for fun, in fantasy land which two men (or women) would you not kick out of bed if they wanted to share?